Me! Pick me! What about me?! And me! You can't leave me out! But you can't include everything. Your book/essay/show/standup comedy set can't go on forever.

There are so many things to write/talk about, so many stories, and so many beats in each story, that sometimes it's hard to decide which to pick.

Here are 9 great reasons to choose a piece of material:

1) IT'S FUNNY - That's enough of a reason, especially if you're working in a comedy format. Funniness is less important when you're going for tragedy.

2) IT'S TIMELY - Something that just happened has an urgency and energy when you try to communicate it, whether it's something in your personal life or in the world. If you're performing live, especially with stand-up comedy, a major story from the news of the week will be on everyone's mind and something big like Michael Jackson dying is almost a required topic. The audience wants to know your take on it.

One of the biggest reasons an audience isn't laughing (or why a reader stops reading) is that they have unanswered questions.

Let's say you mention something in passing, especially something really loaded like a previous marriage, a recent breakup, or the time you spent in prison.

You may have moved on to another topic, but the audience/reader is still thinking about the door you cracked open but didn't walk through. What were you in prison for? How many marriages have you had? Why did you break up? Are you heartbroken?

Mentioning something that emotionally-loaded is like putting a gun onstage. The audience keeps wondering if and when it's going to go off.

Forget walking the walk, can you even talk the talk? Do you know what a 'clam' is? How about 'a barrel' or the dreaded 'nakamura'?

These are terms compiled from the writers rooms of Family Guy, The Simpsons, SNL, 30 Rock, Will & Grace and other top TV shows. They're also really useful concepts and principles you can apply to your writing - whether it's a spec or original TV script, screenplay, personal essay, blog or comedy writing in any format.

Click here to get the free Glossary of Writers Terms.

We've noticed a lot of coming and going lately. Students dropping in and out, people breaking up, moving and, obviously, losing their jobs as all industries are dissolving and shifting simultaneously.

We think of it as the New Fluidity, brought on by the watery, wavy Age of Aquarius. We say, let's not fight it!

We're aligning with the new paradigm by offering maximum flexibility with SINGLE CLASSES to THE UN-CAB LAB FREE-RANGE COMEDY WRITING & PERFORMANCE WORKSHOP:

• SINGLE CLASSES $75 - Now only $60 per class!
• ANY 4 CLASSES $250 - Now just $200!
• ANY 10 CLASSES $500 - Now $400!

These are ANYTIME ANYWHERE CLASSES. Take them wherever and whenever your schedule allows, just call ahead 323-993-3305 or e-mail us to make sure there's space available.

I know. File management sounds like the most boring topic in the world, and it really might be.

But a lot of writers don't have any system for keeping track of their work and that ultimately ends up costing a lot of time and leading to confusion down the road, especially when you're dealing with a long-form project like a script, screenplay or book that is going to require multiple drafts. I actually think that ignoring draft numbers or dates might be a way of staying in denial about how much work is really involved in the project.

But whether your reasons are psychological, motivational or just never thought about it, my advice is to put up with a little annoying non-creative organization at the beginning of your project, then you never have to think about it again! I recommend this simple 2-step protocol:

Writing, of course, isn't just one thing. (What is these days?) The bad news is you have to be pretty good at all of them. The good news is that you have at least 7 different ways of moving forward with your project:

1. OUTLINE/RE-OUTLINE - A great way to plan your project and/or get perspective, especially if you've been slinging words down in the trees, is to take an overview look at the forest. Try to take a bird's eye view, noting major landmarks, and think about the big picture.
2. MAKE NOTES - These are seeds for your trees. They could be bullet points to expand later, details about characters, lines of dialog or specific moments in your story. But not vague philosophical thoughts about the project.
3. EXPAND NOTES INTO ROUGH DRAFTS - Pick one of your notes or bullet points and expand it. Think of it as getting your seeds to sprout. Of course they'll be weak and helpless at first, but if you keep sending them love they might grow into mighty oaks.

In yoga, 'tapas' (heat) loosens tight areas, builds strength and expands your sense of self. And that's just what we do creatively.

Palm Springs Summer Session

• THE UN-CAB LAB FREE-RANGE COMEDY WRITING & PERFORMANCE WORKSHOP IN PALM SPRINGS:
Fridays, June 5, 12, 19, 26 (6-9pm) at Hotel Zoso, 150 S. Indian Canyon, Palm Springs, CA 92262. Use the desert heat to clear your head and clarify your work.

• SINGLE CLASSES - only $60 per class.

• MAKE A WEEKEND OF IT - E-mail me for other recommendations for hotels, restaurants, outdoor locales and other matters spiritual or alcoholic. Call 760-969-6697 or e-mail Kathy Smith for special rates at the Hotel Zoso.

One day a talented student arrived a little late for our writing & performance workshop. She apologized and said she was late because she had a 'hand job' that morning. What?!

It turned out she worked as a hand model and while she had been doing funny material about other things in the class, this was the first we'd heard about her day job. And everyone was fascinated.

Emily Aiken is a brilliant strategic consultant known as 'the Brand Dominatrix' who came up with a great phrase: Low-Hanging Content.

That perfectly describes a whole category of potential material that a lot of writers and comedians overlook because it just seems too obvious and too familiar (to them). Too easy.

Over the years we've worked with a lot of very talented people who kept searching farther and wider for material when they had a wealth of great stuff within easy reach. For the writer referred to above it was hand modelling, for another

100% HAPPY 88% OF THE TIME is evolutionary entertainment from comedian, LA Yoga columnist, and Un-Cabaret creator Beth Lapides.

"CHAKRADELIC UPWARD-FACING COMEDY!"
yogamates.com

See it this Saturday, May 9, 8:15pm (in Toluca Lake) at Yogi Tree, 4475 Vineland Ave. Toluca Lake, CA. 91602. This performance features free wine, free crystals and an artist's reception after the show. Call 818-760-0112 for directions & info or click here for pre-paid tickets (only $10). $15 at the door.

With Un-Cabaret, Beth took comedy out of the mainstream comedy clubs into music venues and nightclubs and helped define modern 'alternative comedy'. Now she's taking the next step by bringing her show to even more alternative spaces like yoga studios.

"BRILLIANT, HILARIOUS, YOGA-INSPIRED LUNACY" The Accidental Yogist

Beth's show blends the story of her life with seriously helpful advice about how to be happy in the turbulent sea change we're all living through right now. The visuals combine Beth's original art and graphics with eye-opening images from the world of edge science.

Upcoming shows:

In yoga there's a great phrase, "stay on your own mat". In other words, don't worry if the person next to you is doing some pretzel-twist inversion, just focus on what you're doing.

It's really hard in comedy because it's so tempting to emulate the comedian who went on stage before you and got big laughs from the audience or the writer with the major publishing deal and media appearances. But the truth is that you really can't win playing their game. The only chance you have of winning is by playing your own game.

So the question is: what is your game?